I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
