when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
