:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Randomize
