dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
