Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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