His hands were made for my vagina.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm both gender and math confused
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
