You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
