Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
