I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
no, he came in my armpit
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
