i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
