apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
false alarm, still single
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
