Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
