Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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