you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
