I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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