I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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