Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
