Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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