I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
