well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
