Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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