so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
