Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
