Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
