I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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