i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
3pm strippers are depressing
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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