Jerry, you need to find god
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize