I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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