I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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