You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
