Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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