I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
