i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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