Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
