i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
