She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
