Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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