I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
