quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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