I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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