there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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