8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Two words: nipple clamps
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