there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
