my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
