He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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