If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
