Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize