were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
