so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize