Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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