I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
