My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize