when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
