There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize