hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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