i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
