I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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