I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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