??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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