I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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