did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
