We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
