ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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